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My boyfriend wont find a job

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Part of it is my doing — I encouraged him to quit his job in December without having something lined up, which goes against my usual advice. However, the people he worked for were terrible; I have a high bullshit threshold and these people went way past it. He once went to them with a complaint of sexual harassment by a female client — which made him profoundly and understandably uncomfortable — and they LAUGHED at him and told him he should be flattered! Fuck that noise, I said. Then February. Then March.

SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: Unemployed Men - Real Men vs. Boy - Women Support

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SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: The Offspring - Why Don't You Get A Job? (Official Music Video)

Don’t Marry Your Man If He Lacks These 4 Traits

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FAQ on Coronavirus and Mefi : check before posting, cite sources; how to block content by tags. Dedicated boyfriend but unemployed and unambitious, should i end it? I'm 29, have a doctorate, make 6 figures and own my own place. I've been with a guy who is 5 years younger than me for 6 months now.

When we first met he was very honest and revealed that he never finished high school but has a GED, he tried 1 semester of college but dropped out; he also disclosed without me asking that his job paid 30k a year.

I have to admit it was very refreshing to come by such confidence and honesty. Despite the attraction and chemistry between us I tried to resist getting too close to him due to our age, education and socioeconomic differences fearing the potential relationship problems that could arise from that. However I started falling for him regardless. Around 1. We became exclusive shortly after that.

I fell for him because he's very dedicated, supportive, loving, makes me laugh and we have a great time together. He is new to being in a relationship but he tries his best. The problem is that it's been months now and he has not tried to search for a job despite my urgings, he says he doesn't want to work for other people.

I also suggest he can go back to school but he says traditional academic settings are not for him and he cannot afford tuition anyways. He wants to build his own online marketing business and says if it doesn't work out, he will consider looking for the usual 9 to 5 job, however it doesn't seem like he's doing much to progress that venture either other than asking advice from a friend who is currently in that business.

I tend to think that type of venture is risky in itself and can't understand why he can't just look for a regular retail job while trying to pursue running his own business. It seems he spends most of his free time at the gym, playing video games or hanging with his friends. He has been living off of his savings during this time, when we go out i pay for the more expensive restaurants and he pays for the cheaper things like movie tickets, bar tabs, etc but for the most part we just hang out at my place.

I don't mind because he is very appreciative and obviously because i can afford it and he hasn't asked me for money or anything, however his savings will be out in a few months and I honestly don't think I could financially support a guy without feeling resentment somewhere down the line.

So i have been questioning whether to continue the relationship mainly from judgements and advice from friends and family. I care about him so much and he has been great to me. The only issue other than his lack of motivation in searching for a job is his stubbornness but i have my vices also. He's a bum. It's entirely possible to be a really nice, loving, thoughtful, dedicated partner and still be a bum.

I don't want to work for other people, either, but I do, because I want to have money and whatnot while I work on my other endeavors. I can't tell you what you should do with yourself and it's not like some stranger on the internet is going to be the deciding factor in your relationship decisions, but I can tell you that he's not going to do anything he doesn't have to, and as long as you're there, he doesn't have to look for a job.

You might resent financially supporting him if it comes to that, but it won't matter to him how much you resent it as long as you're doing it.

There's a joke I like: Q. What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend? If I were you, I would not want to be the drummer's girlfriend. I don't think you would have posted this question if you weren't seeking our permission to righteously tell you in writing what Famous Monster has already written. Go forth and prosper Refusing to look for work because you "can't work for someone else" is really, incredibly immature. Being a bum and sitting around playing video games and spouting crypto-libertarian excuses wanting to be an innovator, can't work for another person, whatever is not OK unless you are 15 and on summer break from high school.

He is You are this guy's girlfriend, not his mom. He needs to sack up and go find a job. PS Refusing to work retail is a pretty big character flaw. And he's got a good heart, if not a six-figure income and a doctorate? I think you should leave him, not because he's such a loser but because that's what you see. BTW, that "girlfriend not mom" comment was not me judging the age difference; this dynamic shows up in all kinds of relationships, not just ones between two people in their mid twenties.

I don't think this is a bad reason for leaving someone. Basically, when a relationship stops making your happy and starts making you feel bad things, like guilt, resentment, etc. It sounds like you still love him, so my question is whether you've expressed this to him? I know you've asked him about getting a job and such, but have you told him how important it is to you?

Does he possibly realize how much this bothers you or that it might be a deal-breaker? Does he realize how disappointed you are to see him wasting any potential he has and how his lack of ambition is so problematic for you?

My suspicion is that this guy is just a person who doesn't want to try hard at anything or set high expectations for himself -- that is likely never to change and the relationship will never feel balanced and so it's not a good long-term match. However, I would at least express it to him before ending it, perhaps as an ultimatum, and give him the chance to turn things around.

He probably won't, but I have known a couple cases where that person did turnaround get their act together. Just set clear goals and timelines so he can't keep putting it off. If he hasn't shown a willingness to make real, concrete change in a reasonable amount of time, do not hesitate to dump him. Of course, the above paragraph assumes you do still love him and want to be with him. If you don't feel that way, or only kind of feel that way, just dump him, regardless of his financial situation.

If you decide not to end it, where do you see this going? Marriage and kids? I can tell you from experience, as someone married and raising a child with someone who has much less education and earning potential but is much better than your guy at doing what he needs to do that differences in socioeconomic status will cause ongoing strains on your relationship. It's not insurmountable we are happy but it's definitely an additional problem to deal with that you would not have with someone whose career track was a bit more similar to yours.

This is not a problem that is going to go away, even if he does start looking for a job tomorrow. What are your long-term expectations here? Is this a guy who would be a great stay-at-home dad while you make a high salary, for instance? Is he a guy who could get motivated to run a household?

I have a relative who has a mediocre work history - to say the slightest! If he is someone who can be reliable as a non-earning partner, that has its own value; if he's just going to goof around and be more of a kept man, that will get frustrating unless you're going to be so rich that you can afford a kept man without getting frustrated.

I think there's a difference between choices that people make that are theirs alone and ones they make that affect other people. So hey he may not be ambitious but he's supporting himself and seems like a nice guy. At the same time, you are contributing more or seem to feel like you are contributing more when you guys go out and If I read between the lines a bit would prefer that he had an income and that you guys were on a more equal footing and could do more things, things that might cost money.

So, hey, you want what you want and he wants what he wants and both of those things are fine, independently, but it sounds like it's a bad fit with you guys. I guess I'd be wondering what happens when his savings runs out?

Would he be asking to move in with you or otherwise leaning on you for support? That doesn't sound like something you'd like. Does he have other means of support or some sort of bottomless savings account? I have a low-level ambition mismatch with my guy but the big thing is that our mismatch doesn't become a relationship issue.

We don't live together, he doesn't guilt me into not going out, he understands when I work on the weekend and I have to not mind when he calls in late to his job. But I think for me that is part of it: he has a job and he loves it and he also understands that having a job is sort of what you want to do if you want to be an independent adult. I'm not sure if we'd see eye to eye if we did not share that feeling. There are good helpful, lucrative and bad spammer, scammy ways of doing online marketing.

I'd, personally, want to know a lot more about whether this was a real business plan or just a thinly-veiled ripoff situation. He just sounds really young. He might shape up when he runs out of money, or in a few years' time when he's sick of living on ramen. However, it doesn't sound like he's ever going to make six figures, so if you do ever get serious or want to move in together you will absolutely be supporting him. If that's a dealbreaker then better to end it now.

I personally would find the mismatch in ambition and outlook really offputting in a serious partner, but other people seem to make it work. On preview, what rabbitrabbit and frowner said. I kind of get the opposite impression than infini , it sounds like you are asking our permission to still like him despite not being ambitious. Being ambitious is not an objective good; and it sounds like you don't really care either way, but your friends are telling you that you should care.

If you think you will resent paying for him, than that's an issue. But are you sure you would? Is he wasteful with your money; does that even matter? Do you just think a man needs to have job? It's okay if you do; you are allowed to have any standards you want for someone to date. Fifty years ago, this was totally normal, just with the genders reversed.

That doesn't mean it needs to be okay with you, though. There's no right or wrong answer here, but just be sure you are acting out of what you want, not want your friends and family are saying you should want.

If he wants to faff around and live off his savings, that's his lookout. I'd sit down with him and tell him he's welcome to run his life how he wants but you're worried about this because you're not down for supporting him long-term and if it gets to that point he runs out of money and starts wanting your help you're going to break up with him because you two won't have a future. Maybe the four months goes by, the online marketing thing obviously hasn't worked out, and he pulls himself together and gets a retail job or something similar to what he had before.

Could you live with that, given the other positive stuff? If so I'd be inclined to give him a chance and see if that's what happens.

My Boyfriend Can’t Find a Job and It’s Driving Me Nuts!

Christina, 29, has been with her serious boyfriend for several years. Whenever they go anywhere, she now pays for them both. This could go one of two ways: It could be the catalyst for your breakup, or it could be the first major challenge that you and your boyfriend get through together. Neither will be fun or sexy.

Recently, my colleagues had a discussion about a trend in couples that we have observed where one partner refuses to get a job to support the household or have a stable employment. Here are some reasons why people choose to stay with a partner who refuses to work. Even though you may start to feel a lot of hurt, anger, and resentment towards your partner, ultimately you stay in the relationship because you are getting something out of it.

FAQ on Coronavirus and Mefi : check before posting, cite sources; how to block content by tags. Dedicated boyfriend but unemployed and unambitious, should i end it? I'm 29, have a doctorate, make 6 figures and own my own place. I've been with a guy who is 5 years younger than me for 6 months now.

Ask Dr. NerdLove: My Boyfriend Won’t Look For Work

You know what I am talking about. And read my 21 pieces of unsolicited advice for you, the brokenhearted. In our teens, being in the band made a man sexy. I went and confirmed it with an expert. It also highlights his self-esteem. Give him a reasonable time frame and pay attention to his dedication and energy level. It may be time to give him the pink slip. These skills are not only about self-sufficiency and a dislike of smells and critters , but show that one is interested in enjoying life and not too lazy to go beyond the basics. I chalk these things up to being the side effects of a full life. A man who knows how to take care of himself—and cares enough to make the effort to do so — will be far more inclined to step-up and take care of you than someone who just expects you to live according to his low standards or act as a full time maid-service.

My Boyfriend Won’t Get A Better Job

The problem is, he has no idea what he wants to do with his life. Whenever I bring up the subject he gets really defensive and even aggressive. I want him to plan for the future, hopefully OUR future, but at the same time, I refuse to play the role of his mother and tell him what to do with his life. Please help!

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Dec 22, - He may transition careers multiple times before deciding what he wants to ultimately do. But this doesn't mean that you have to be along for the.

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