What to look out for in a man before marriage
Sure, love is all you need—but doing these 10 things together before you get hitched can make married life that much sweeter. Once you decide to get married, it can feel like one swift free-fall toward the big day. See what wedding and marriage experts recommend doing together before getting married, then grab your honey and start checking things off this list. Traveling together gives you a chance to see how you each handle stressful situations, which is valuable insight for your future life together, says Marisa Manna Ferrell of So Eventful in Healdsburg, California. So if you haven't skipped town together yet, book a trip, pronto! Even if you've mastered the art of the couple getaway already, this is a good time to consider an engagement-moon.SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: BEFORE YOU GET kingswokaj.com THIS
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6 Essential Things to Know About Your Man Before You Marry Him
Kimberly Atwood. Bobbi Jankovich. Holli Kenley. Karen Gail Lewis. Katherine Kelly. Kelli Korn. Klara Brown. Margie Ryerson. Mary Kay Cocharo. Patti Henry. Randi Gunther. Sally LeBoy. Winifred Reilly. Elizabeth Baum. Nadine Winocur. Loral Lee Portenier. Is your man able to talk things out with you? Are you able to disagree and still come to a resolution? One of the most important foundations of any long-lasting relationship is the ability for the couple to communicate in an open and effective manner.
After many years of being with my partner, we both thought we had a fantastic relationship in part because we never argued. However, this was not able to work in the long-term. We realized that we were not really talking and sharing. We were avoiding the most fundamental, meaningful discussions in order to avoid fighting. Generally speaking, when couples say they never fight, this is not a positive sign of a healthy relationship.
Not fighting means not talking and this does not work. Couples must learn to disagree with respect for one another as separate individuals with different opinions and life experiences. Disagreements are a healthy part of relationships as long as each partner is respectful of the other and the couple can come together to find a resolution.
A person of integrity has a way of being in the world with a deep level of commitment to all the essential qualities necessary to a loving and successful relationship: love, empathy, honesty, humor and fun, loyalty, generosity, flexibility, patience, humility. Hopefully, we seek to be that person ourselves.
And hopefully, we would never settle for anything less in a partner. He determined that these four qualities—Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, Stonewalling—when active in a relationship, tend to predict divorce or break up.
When you meet someone of true integrity, it is not possible for any of these four qualities to live in your relationship. This is not to say he will never be defensive. Or that you will never criticize. But as a couple of integrity, you are more likely to recover in a loving and respectful way, each quick to take responsibility for their own part in any hurtful interaction.
Love and marriage are not meant to be forever blissful or idyllic. Marriage exists in the larger context of life. And life gets bumpy. It is crucial to make sure you will be standing beside someone you can count on.
The single most importantly quality that I believe a woman must look for in a man before marrying is not necessarily a quality — it is a posture that a man holds and demonstrates towards women.
If your man genuinely holds women in high regard and with respect, you have indeed found someone worth marrying. When couples come to me for pre-marital therapy, they may have a specific problem or they say they get along well but just want to make sure they are not missing something before they tie the knot. But the most important one — without which none of these others can be successful — is the seventh: learning to have a good argument. Of course people have differences and many of them are not serious enough to cause an argument.
But, not addressing the little things can lead to a lot of little things piling up. If you say love, you are wrong.
The opposite of hate or anger is apathy. Apathy is the absence of strong emotions. When you are afraid of your anger, you are cheating yourself and your partner of the passion of your love. In part, it means no dirty-fighting, no name calling, no raised voices, no tears yes, women, no tears. Stick to the topic without pulling in old issues, and come to a resolution you both can agree to.
When you learn to fight the good fight, you will feel closer and more in love than ever. In fact, a good fight often leads to good love-making. Karen Gail Lewis — www. Many women look for confidence, competence, and charm in the men they date, but many overlook the core quality of pure integrity as they choose their life-long mate.
A man may appear sure of himself, sure of what he does, sure of what he wants out of life, and sure of how he treats a woman, but integrity is a crystal clear indicator of whether or not your man is the best catch.
They also know and honor not only what they want and need from the world, but also are willing to know and honor what you want and need as well. Men of integrity are also more willing to create and maintain the integrity of the relationship, itself, always keeping in mind what will be best for their partner and offspring as much as for himself as part of the partnership or family unit.
Katherine Kelly — www. The most important quality a woman should look for in a man before marrying him is shared values. For example, if a woman is looking for a man who is stable and will be able to be the primary breadwinner, she should think twice about a man who lives paycheck to paycheck. A man who enjoys going out late with his guy friends frequently may not be the best choice for a woman who values quiet nights at home.
A couple should have similar views on life goals, thoughts on having a family, and similar religious beliefs. While it is always nice for potential partners to be able to teach one another new hobbies, the core beliefs of a couple need to be similar. Marriage has ups and downs and during those difficult times, basic values in life is one of the things that keeps a couple grounded.
Before choosing a lifetime mate you want to make sure that your partner is able to show and feel authentic feelings. Marriage is a series of events from fun-loving times to everyday boredom mixing joy, happiness, sadness, and fears. A partner who is capable of genuine empathy offers comfort and nurturing during stressful times.
He is also able to reach out for care and emotional support. How we experience and share pain in marriage determines how successfully we deal with conflicts. Sharing vulnerability with each other we gain a sense of trust and develop a deep sense of connection. Genuine empathy and authenticity are building blocks to a loving and lasting marriage.
By doing this, he is demonstrating that he considers your needs to be as important as his own. Showing respect means that he is fair-minded and can appreciate that you and others are entitled to your points of view. It is not enough for him to just show respect for you and your family and friends. You want to see him demonstrating tolerance and basic goodwill to others outside of his social world.
Once he is married and begins to take you more for granted or when conflict develops, you may be the recipient of the same disrespect he directs at others. You will want to take a close look at his interactions with co-workers, bosses, and subordinates at work, and with service people at stores and restaurants. It is very easy to respect and admire someone who conducts himself honorably, both with you and others.
Ladies, I believe the single most important thing for you to look for in a man before tying the knot is his willingness to view your relationship with him as an adventure! In the spirit of embarking on a lifelong journey, a man must be open to the idea that your relationship is a living laboratory for growth and healing. Too many people think that marriage is the culmination of the journey, rather than the beginning.
Many men believe that loving you and marrying you is all it takes. Any complaints you might have, or desire for deeper connection or intimacy, is your problem! Look for a man who has the emotional and relational maturity to know that you are in it together, every step of the way. The art of connection takes two people, working side by side. Talk with him about your expectations for an ever-evolving connection that will deepen over your years together.
Emotional unavailability is actually a symptom. It is a symptom of a much bigger problem: the inability to be an emotional grown up. Now THAT is a problem in a marriage! So the one quality that I would ask a woman to look for in a man — and a man to look for in a woman — before marrying anyone is this: do you think your partner is an emotional grown up?
You want to find a partner who knows himself and has clear self-definition, especially in the emotional area. In marriage we put up with a lot. We are two different people coming together with much to negotiate along the way.
It is so much easier if you are with someone who knows how he feels about things as well as how he thinks about them. You want to be with someone who can bring his heart along to a discussion, as well as his head. Bottom line: look for an emotional grown up! Patti Henry, M. Unfortunately, most people, faced with disappointments and losses, become less willing to invest in new relationships with the same innocence and commitment that they originally had.
What to know before getting married: Advice from a couples therapist
Move over, June. Fall is one of the most popular times of the year to get married , with couples increasingly tying the knot in September or October to take advantage of the beautiful weather. Fall is "truly the new wedding season," Brides magazine has declared.
When my husband, Joe, and I got engaged, we had known each other for about a year—and I had never been more sure of anything in my life. A year and some change after our wedding, we still marvel at the fact that our futures are forever joined, and it only took us a year to make that decision. For some, in different circumstances, dating for a year before proposing might seem like a gamble. But Joe and I lived near one another and close to where we grew up; we got to spend a lot of time together, with one another's families, and with our friends. It was much more than proximity though—I think we can mostly thank having important conversations over and over again.
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